A big challenge that we experience in relationships is that we are all different. We can perceive the world in many ways. A stumbling block that we come across when we try to build relationships is a desire or an expectation that people will think like we do and, in this way, it is so much easier to create a rapport. We feel more comfortable when we feel that people ‘get’ us and can see our point of view. Life, however, would be very dull if we were all the same and, whilst we may find it initially easier, the novelty of sameness would soon wear off. So accepting and celebrating that we are all different is a great starting point.

Listening is a hugely important skill in boosting another person’s self-esteem; it is the silent form of flattery that makes people feel supported and valued. Listening to and understanding what others communicate to us is the most important part of successful interaction and vice versa.

Active or reflective listening is the single most useful and important listening skill. In active listening, we are genuinely interested in understanding what the message means, and what the other person is thinking, feeling or wanting. In this mode we are active in checking out our understanding before we respond with our own new message. We restate or paraphrase our understanding of their message and reflect it back to the sender for verification. This verification or feedback process is what distinguishes active listening and makes it effective.

Giving people your time is also a huge gift. In a world where time is of the essence and we are trying to fit in more than one lifetime, we don’t always have the time to give to our loved ones, friends and work colleagues. Technology has somewhat eroded our ability to build real rapport and we attempt to multi-task by texting and talking at the same time!

Being present in the time you give to people is also very important, so that when you are with someone, you are truly with someone and not dwelling in the past or worrying about the future. The connection we make with other people is the very touchstone of our existence and devoting time, energy and effort to developing and building relationships is one of the most valuable life skills.

Communication occurs when someone understands you, not just when you speak. One of the biggest dangers with communication is that we can work on the assumption that the other person has understood the message that we are trying to get across.

Poor communication in the workplace can lead to a culture of backstabbing and blame which in turn can also affect our stress levels, especially when we don’t understand something or feel that we have been misled. On the other hand, communication can also have a very positive effect on morale when it works well and motivates individuals to want to come into work and do a great job.